Can Heaven Wait
by wolvesjr34
Summary: Angst alert. Six months ago Jane forced Maura into a confession and then baulked at her own admission, forcing Maura to distance herself. The death of a young girl causes an irrevocable shift before a terrible accident leaves Jane wondering if she'll ever get the chance to own her own feelings. The characters belong to Tess Gerritson and TNT. M for adult content.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts.**

* * *

 **Can Heaven Wait**

The dark was surprisingly comforting as she sat rigidly on the couch, one arm resting on the arm rest, the other holding a crystal tumbler and swirling the rough whiskey around the ice. She inhaled the scent of the Irish whiskey before bringing the tumbler to her mouth and pouring the harsh liquid down her throat. It wasn't at all satisfying. She placed the glass down on the coffee table, using a coaster out of habit.

She had changed so many parts of herself out of love for the woman whose home she now found herself sitting in, but now she felt like it had been wasted effort. Her palms ached; she gently massaged one palm and then the other, the scars a constant reminder of a past she couldn't let go. It hurt to think of her past and it hurt to think of the soft tender hands that would normally massage her scarred palms. It hurt to think of the woman who owned those oh so soft hands.

She was tired. She had been fighting her demons for so long and they had finally caught up with her. She had tainted the one good thing in her life; the light, the place she called home. Her eyes closed as she allowed her arms to slump by her side; she felt lethargic and broken. Images of Hoyt and his sneer flashed across her eyelids before fading into images of Maura and that smile she had reserved just for her. It was so beautiful, Maura was so beautiful.

Jane's eyes shot open and she hauled herself from the couch and stumbled over to the kitchen island groggily. Her hands found her badge and gun and a sad smile graced her lips. She didn't deserve to hold the position of detective, not anymore. She returned to the couch, resting the Glock in her lap while she almost reverently traced the contours of her shield. She remembered Barry and his perfect smile and then she remembered the comfort Maura had offered, holding her so close, after his death.

The hot sting of tears trailed down Jane's Mediterranean features as she hurled her shield across the room, where it landed harmlessly against the wall. Her left hand curled comfortably around the handle of her Glock, which her eyes lowered to stare at intensely. She had killed many people with that weapon, all in the line of duty, all out of necessity, but still those deaths weighed on her soul. As it seemed everything did this night.

* * *

 _Jane was crouched down on her haunches in a dirty alley between two brick buildings, merely yards from the body of a young teenage girl with blood pooling from the gaping gunshot wound to her head. Tears burned the face of the hardened detective and her body was taught with tension. Her hands were hanging limply between her legs, clenched tightly into fists as her mind fought between overwhelming sadness and a vitriolic anger directed inward._

 _Several feet away from the girl a scrawny weasel of a man lay dead, his chest riddled with bullets. He had signed his own death warrant in front of several officers, including Jane, when he had shot the girl, his hostage. The coward had chosen the easy way out and had made an innocent girl suffer in the process. Detective Rizzoli had been responsible for three of the rounds in his chest._

 _Her chest heaved under the pressure of her shallow breathing; she couldn't suck in a deep breath if she tried. She was choked up with too much emotion from the morning. She had missed her opportunity to take the creep out before it had come to this, and now the guilt chewed her up. She didn't know how long she had been crouched in that position and she was only vaguely aware of the crime scene technicians that had moved in to do their job of photographing and marking the scene._

 _While cause of death was obvious and witnessed by several police officers, there would be an internal investigation and as such the scene had to be examined correctly. Because of this the familiar sound of clicking of heels tugged at Jane's consciousness, but it wasn't until she felt the familiar touch of the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts on her shoulder that she was able to pull out of her own swirling thoughts._

 _Jane tilted her head so that she could get a better view of the woman she once called her best friend. While her body had initially softened under the familiar touch, it stiffened again when it remembered that they were barely on speaking terms. "Doctor Isles," she managed to rasp cordially._

 _The look of concern and compassion that had graced both the eyes and Slavic features of Doctor Maura Isles disappeared upon hearing the tone of the greeting. Still determined to show some kindness Maura squatted down beside Jane and whispered, "Jane, are you okay?"_

 _For a moment Jane's dark brown eyes softened and she brought her left hand up and onto the hand still resting on her shoulder, absorbing the warmth and comfort it offered. For a brief moment the tension and distance between them dissipated; but almost as soon as she had softened Jane hardened again. "Just dandy." She stood then, feeling the lactic acid release into her muscles after having been in the same position for entirely too long. She grunted and stumbled away from the medical examiner trying to get her legs in working order again._

 _Maura's hand fell limply to her side as she watched the raven haired Italian detective walk away. She missed her best friend and she was deeply concerned; she had heard what had happened through the BPD grapevine and knew this would be eating Jane up. Reluctantly she turned to the bodies to do her job; she snapped on some blue surgical gloves and began her investigation._

* * *

It had been cleared as a righteous shooting, but that didn't make Jane feel any better. An innocent kid was dead, and she had ended the life of the guy who had killed the kid. There was just so much death. So much death and no light to push away the darkness.

Weighed down by all her mistakes and missteps Jane flicked off the safety and bit down on the barrel of the weapon she had only been given back several days prior. Her inner Maura was telling her how unsanitary it was to have the gun in her mouth and she almost cracked a sad smile, but she couldn't. Any thought of Maura twisted her gut and caused her soul to ache relentlessly.

"No, Janie. She wouldn't want this for you and she needs you so much right now." Angela Rizzoli sat down next to her daughter and gently placed her hands on top of the gun, sliding the safety back into place before removing it from her daughter's shaking hand. "I know you're hurting baby, but this isn't the answer."

"She doesn't need me Ma. She hates me." More tears. More heartache. Jane crawled onto her mothers lap and closed her eyes, trying so hard to fight away all the visions that haunted her.

* * *

 _"_ _I'm really sorry about cutting dinner short Chad. I'm just so worried about Jane." Maura walked into her home, flicking lights on as she went, dutifully trailed by the blue eyed, sandy haired, strapping six foot tall lawyer who had been her date for the evening._

 _"_ _Hey, no problem." Chad said with a smile as he pulled up at the kitchen island. "I understand completely." In reality he didn't really have a clue, but he knew enough to know what was important to the doctor, and since he wanted to be important too he was in no mind to argue._

 _Maura turned to look at him and managed a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes; she just wasn't in the mood to entertain. "We will have to try again soon."_

 _He nodded the affirmative and brought his hands to rest on her hips as he stepped in closer to the stunning blonde who almost met his height with her four inch heels. "I had a good time," he murmured as he leaned in to seal the night with a kiss._

 _At the last moment Maura turned her face so that he met her cheek and in that instant her eyesight landed on the couch and the now moving form of the woman she had just been expressing concern for. "Jane?" She managed to choke out, clearly not expecting the woman's presence. Her heart rate increased dangerously as she returned her gaze to her date. She gently pushed away from him and dropped her eyes to the ground, "You should leave now."_

 _Chad_ _was confused by everything that had just happened; he turned to look where Maura had been looking and furrowed his brow in confusion at the seeming intruder. Glancing back at Maura and finally processing that she had said Jane again he put two and two together and slumped his shoulders in resignation. This night was not going to progress any further. "Are you sure?" He questioned softly, tilting Maura's chin with his hand so that he could search her eyes._

 _"_ _She asked you to leave, jackass." Jane's deep raspy timbre floated across the room as she stood tall and faced the pair by the kitchen island. She was fairly sure her jealousy was plain to see, but she didn't care. She needed to talk to Maura and she needed uptight lawyer boy gone in the process._

 _Maura nodded softly and watched as he stepped away and turned on his heels to leave. His stride clearly stuttered in reluctance before falling back into a confident swagger as if he realised this was the last time he would be seeing Maura Isles but damned if he was going to show any distress over it._

 _Once the front door clicked shut, indicating the two women were alone, Maura turned her attention back to the lanky Italian who had moved around the couch and now stood in plain sight several feet away. She made note of the tear stains and haunted look that adorned Jane's face and in the same instant she felt herself soften towards allowing this discussion, whatever it may be, she locked onto hardened dark eyes. Just like that Maura was on the offensive, no longer willing to entertain the subsequent conversation. "You should leave too Jane, and give me the key before you do."_

 _"_ _No." Jane's voice was hard and she crossed her arms in defiance. It was an uncomfortable feeling within as she fought all her natural urges. A huge part of her just wanted to fall into the comforting arms of her best friend and she knew exactly how to get that; but instead she found herself becoming defensive and spiteful. This was not the way to get the medical examiner to take her into her arms._

 _Maura let out an exasperated sigh, all too familiar with this version of Jane Rizzoli. Her eyes flitted around the room, noting the whiskey bottle sitting on the kitchen island; clearly the detective had helped herself to some alcohol. She marched over to Jane and pressed her pointer finger into her sternum, "Give me the key and leave, please."_

 _Jane shrugged away and stalked back over to the couch, picked up her Glock and sat back down, staring blankly ahead. She didn't say a word because she knew if she tried it would only come out angry and resentful and she was tired of pushing Maura away; tired of being pushed away._

 _Maura forced herself to breathe in and count to ten, trying desperately to calm her nerves as the anger she felt building shouldn't be released, at least not on this night. Not after the day's unfortunate happenings. She walked around the front of the couch and froze when she saw the weapon resting in her friend's hand. Instantly her hazel eyes flicked up to dark brown and she shuddered uncontrollably. She didn't like what she saw._

 _The doctor moving into her line of vision caused Jane to meet the fearful gaze, "Oh relax the safety is on."_

 _"_ _Jane?" Maura had an amazing ability to express so much through tone and inflection that just saying her friend's name could mean so many different things. This time the tone and inflection questioned state of mind and expressed concern._

 _Ignoring the implied question Jane instead focused on how she felt. "I'm so tired Maura." Tired of running; tired of witnessing first hand the horrors of Boston; tired of Hoyt haunting her and oh so tired of being estranged from the woman she loved._

 _Maura tilted her head to the side as she studied Jane's face and noted an increase in periorbital puffiness. "Have you been getting enough sleep?"_

 _If she hadn't been so physically and emotionally drained Jane may have laughed at Maura's literal interpretation of her words, but she didn't laugh, she sighed. "What I mean to say is how do you deal with death day after day? 'Cause I'm not dealing. I don't know if I can keep doing this, Maur."_

 _Maura regarded Jane sadly, it was becoming increasingly clear how broken down the woman was and it made it very difficult to maintain her distance and anger. "It is easier for me because very rarely do I see how they end up on my table." She pursed her lips as she bit back her next thought, well and truly certain that the suggestion of therapy would not be taken well._

 _Instead Maura diverted course altogether, "Give me the gun Jane."_

 _"_ _I can't."_

 _"_ _Why not?"_

 _"_ _It's evidence. I put three rounds into the guy this morning Maur." Jane exhaled heavily, the morning's death toll playing heavily on her mind._

 _"_ _Then why do you still have your weapon?"_

 _"_ _Because I walked off the scene in a daze I guess and nobody stopped me and I've been waiting here for you most of the day." The hurt couldn't be missed; Maura hadn't been home between work and her date and she had waited nonetheless. "I didn't realise you had plans."_

 _Maura felt guilty for having been on a date and that feeling angered her. Jane was the one who had made all the decisions that had affected their friendship; Jane was the one who had coaxed out her confession of love only to run as fast as she could in the other direction. Maura really hated that she cared so much for the woman sitting on her couch holding a gun._

 _Biting back the rising anger she marched over to the kitchen island where she had placed her bag and proceeded to pull a plastic evidence baggy from within. She marched back over to Jane and held it open, "Put the gun in here, now." The edge to her tone ensured Jane knew she meant business._

 _"_ _Really? You have an evidence bag on hand?" Jane rolled her eyes, double checked the safety was on and slipped the gun into the bag provided._

 _"_ _Yes really," Maura sighed heavily and found herself pacing, she was highly agitated. She was once again being sucked into the world of taking care of Jane Rizzoli and she was sick and tired of it. "I can't keep doing this Jane."_

 _"_ _Doing what?" Jane eyed Maura warily, aware of her increased stress levels._

 _"_ _Fixing you. We're not friends anymore Jane. I can recommend some therapists that may be of better assistance." She fixed Jane with a hard glare, "We are through. I'm done with this. So done."_

 _Maura's words hammered into Jane like a landslide, her heart ached and her gut churned viciously. "Please don't say that," she choked out as she was hit with a fresh influx of hot tears._

 _Maura ignored Jane and walked back to the kitchen island, picked up her phone and called Korsak, "Sergeant Korsak I have Jane's gun in an evidence bag, I do believe it will be required for ballistic comparisons from this morning's shooting."_

 _Her eyes fell on Jane who had stood from the couch and was making her way over. "Yes, she's here. I'll tell her."_

 _"_ _God Maura, have a freakin' heart would ya?" Jane growled when the medical examiner ended her call with Korsak._

 _Incensed, Maura placed her phone along with the evidence baggy down on the island and stalked right into Jane's personal space, once again pulling out the finger to the sternum trick. "No. You do not get to tell me that. You made your choice Jane. This is all your doing. You do not get to let yourself into my home, act possessive and jealous, nurse a gun or demand_ anything _from me! Do you understand me?"_

 _Jane stepped back involuntarily, recoiling from the vehemence in Maura's voice. They still stood close, and the anger rolling off the medical examiner was palpable and a cold realisation washed through every nerve in Jane's body. She had broken them. She opened and closed her mouth several times, fighting the urge to unleash an angry, sarcastic rebuttal. Finally she said, "Don't?" her timidity was startling to Maura, "Don't. I don't, you're right."_

 _Maura stepped further away from the clearly reeling detective, needing the distance to enable her head to continue winning the fight. The look of stark realisation in Jane's eyes had given Maura a moment of pause, a moment to consider not completely turning her back, but she felt deep down that Jane was always going to be a runner and it wasn't her job to follow behind picking up the pieces. If Jane wanted to fix them, she had to make the effort – after knowing what it felt like to be out in the cold first. Not this exile that admittedly Maura had placed upon her already, no, something deeper, something colder – something more final._

 _"_ _I, I broke this, didn't I?" Jane murmured as her hand flicked between the two of them. She had toyed with Maura's emotions, she hadn't meant to; she was running scared, but the fact remained, she had and this was the end result._

 _Maura's hardened gaze softened a little as she nodded hesitantly, afraid to speak, afraid to show Jane how much she hurt behind her anger. After a few moments of silence, the Doctor Isles persona slipped over her face, she gathered up her purse and keys and spoke calmly, "I am going out now Jane; I would like you to leave before I return. Please leave your key behind when you depart."_

 _Jane stared after her as she turned on her heel to leave; snapping out of the shock her system had fallen into she called out, "Maura, wait…"_

 _Maura hesitated for a moment, but didn't turn around, after a second passed and she heard nothing further from Jane she left without looking back._

 _Jane's shoulders slumped, her heart was threatening to pound out of her chest and her mind kept taunting her with visions of all the times she had hurt Maura inadvertently, stupidly and purposely._

 _She realised how cruel and callous she had been in the last six months; how cold she had been when she stumbled blindly into an emotionally charged situation and pulled Maura apart piece by piece until her love was laid bare. Instead of owning her own reciprocal feelings, and thus putting Maura back together, stronger, she had fled. And oh how that was coming back to haunt her, on this, the worst day of her life._

 _In the one day she had seen two sets of eyes that would haunt her until the day she died. The helpless, pleading, begging blue of the girl she had failed to protect and the stormy hard vitriolic hazel green of the woman she loved as she brought an end to their tenuous existence._

* * *

 **A/N: This is a two part story, most of part two is written, I just have one more scene to write. So hopefully up tomorrow. It gets better - eventually. As usual please be kind or constructive. Would just like to say thanks to Miss Peg my compatriate in angst... she asked me to write something, anything for her, the first four paragraphs were born and then from there I fleshed it out.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Angela held her bold, brash, intensely protective daughter in her arms as she slept and while relieved at being able to provide some comfort for her child she worried. She worried because she knew her daughter well and the fact that she had been crawling into her mother's arms for the last several days was so far out of character. Her daughter was falling to pieces, broken and suicidal.

It was all Angela could do not to take her daughter's freedom away from her and have her committed for her own good; three nights of walking in on her daughter with a gun in her mouth was too much. While she sensed that Jane would not have pulled the trigger on any of the occasions, she knew her daughter was getting close to giving up altogether. It broke the Rizzoli family matriarch's heart to feel like she was risking her daughter's life allowing her the freedom she needed; but she couldn't be responsible for putting the last of the light out by keeping her daughter from Maura in her time of need.

"Maura, please… don't leave me… please…" Jane mumbled in her sleep.

"Ssshhh baby, sleep." Angela whispered, gently stroking through Jane's dark curls, trying to soothe, knowing that when her daughter awoke they would be headed back to the hospital for a showdown with Constance Isles.

Angela had made her mind up, not even Maura's mother was going to keep her daughter from her best friend. No more could she stand what it was doing to her daughter; Jane needed to be able to camp out by Maura's bedside, needed to hold her hand, needed to be able to speak the truth of her heart.

The Isles might have been all class and sophistication, but that did not compare to the protective nature of a Rizzoli and Angela was ready to do whatever was necessary for both her girls. Because in her heart, Maura was her daughter too and while she knew her girls were fighting, she knew their love for each other and had no doubt Maura would want Jane by her side during this tough time.

* * *

 _It had taken all the will power she had left for Jane to finally leave Maura's and return home. However she had not been able to bring herself to leave the key behind; it felt too final to do that. She didn't know how, but she knew she had to fix them because the thought of living a more permanent life without Maura there in at least a friendly manner was too much. She had opened her heart up to the quirky genius and it would never be the same without her._

 _Jane let herself inside her apartment and kicked off her boots before ambling into the kitchen to pull a beer from the fridge. She needed to think and possibly drown her sorrows eventually as well. She had brought this on herself and that was the hardest thing for the detective to process._

 _For all intents and purposes she and Maura were in love; she knew that, Maura knew that and she suspected almost everyone in their lives knew that. So why the hell had she forced Maura into admitting it, only to baulk and then run? Why had she spent six months being an asshole about it all? Sure Maura pushed her away, but could she really blame her?_

I'm such a fucking coward.

 _Jane slammed the beer bottle down on the kitchen counter with enough force that it broke. Before she could go about cleaning it up her phone started vibrating. She yanked it from her belt and growled, "What?"_

 _"_ _Jane, there's been an accident…" Detective Sergeant Vince Korsak's voice choked up momentarily as he steeled himself to deliver awful news._

 _Jane's breath caught in her throat, her heart pounded out of her chest and her head screamed at her, but she couldn't find any words; she knew, of all the people he could be calling about, she knew it was the one call she didn't want to be receiving. Not this night, not any night, but especially not at the end of the day from hell._

 _"…_ _it's Maura, she's hurt real bad. Ambulance just took her away, they're headed to Mass Gen. You should get down there." Korsak had to cough to clear the emotion from his voice; he was choking up as much with his own concern as with the knowledge this was amongst the worst news he could deliver to a woman he considered like a daughter._

 _The words "It's Maura, she's hurt real bad," reverberated around in her brain as she emotionally disintegrated. She hurled the phone across the room and let rip a primal scream of agony as she slumped to her knees and sobbed violently, releasing all the pent up frustrations and the whirlwind of emotions that battered her senses._

 _Jane wrapped her arms around herself and hugged tightly, rocking back and forth trying to console herself, knowing that she should get up and drive to the hospital, but her brain just would not allow it. It was too much. So she rocked on her knees, sobbing; she stayed that way until her brother Frankie found her._

* * *

Jane leaned back against the countertop of the family break room at Mass Gen. She had one hand repeatedly running through her dark curls as she watched her mother stare down Constance Isles. It was Rizzoli versus Isles and it was more than a title fight, but to Jane it had the makings of a Frazier versus Ali or Tyson versus Holyfield, although she sincerely hoped the ear nibbling would be kept to a minimum in this case. Still it was her mother, and her mother was capable of anything when fighting for her kids; Jane nodded to herself – ear biting was definitely still on the table.

The truth of the matter was she didn't want her mother fighting her battles for her, but she didn't have the energy, physically or emotionally to take on Constance for the right to see Maura. Constance had good reason to keep them apart; at least, Jane tried to convince herself of this. She'd hurt Maura, clearly to the point she sought comfort from her mother, who wasn't at all known for her sunny disposition. In fact Jane only had herself to blame; she had talked Constance into being more of a mother, and now she was suffering for it.

It was all her fault. She couldn't stop the _what ifs_ from invading her mind, as they had been doing all week. What if she hadn't been an ass and forced Maura out of her own home? What if she had just accepted their tenuous relationship for what it was, that of colleagues, and not even gone over to Maura's? What if she hadn't broken Maura's heart and ran for the hills six months ago?

The self loathing she felt for putting Maura in a position to be out on the roads and T-boned by a drunk driver was what fuelled those moments of sucking on the barrel of a gun. Besides her mother's constant interventions, it was only Maura's life hanging by a thread that prevented her from pulling the trigger. It pained Jane to admit it, mostly because of the hurt it would cause her mother, but she knew that if Maura died, her ma would be burying two daughters.

Constance's terse tone filtered into Jane's mind and brought her out of her thoughts. "No Angela, while I will be forever grateful to Jane for bringing me some closeness with my daughter I cannot permit her access to Maura. Your daughter toyed with Maura's heart and I believe that she would not want Jane with her."

"Seriously?" Jane bellowed, feeling a surge of uncontrollable anger grip her body. "You really think she wouldn't want me here? You don't know your daughter very well, _Connie_." She shortened Constance's name just to irritate, unable to stop herself from making the situation worse.

"Janie please," Angela turned to placate her daughter and hopefully smooth over the situation, "Let me handle this, okay?"

Jane pushed away from the countertop and strode angrily across the room so that she stood beside her mother, a mere step away from Constance. "No Ma, this is my fight." Indeed she was exhausted, but more than that she was tired, tired of hiding her need, longing and love for Maura. If she was ever going to have a chance to repair her relationship with the medical examiner then it started in the break room with Constance and Angela.

Angela thought about saying something further but quickly shut her mouth when she saw the fire in her daughter's eyes; a welcome spark she hadn't seen in months. She stepped back from the situation more than confident that Jane would handle her business.

"Perhaps I do not know my daughter as well as I should Detective Rizzoli," slipping to formalities was just another way for Constance to depersonalise the relationship between Jane and her daughter. "But I am her mother and as such she is my responsibility and I do not deem you worthy of being by her bedside. You crushed my daughter." It was the unspoken, _and this is me crushing you in return_ , that hit Jane the hardest.

"You're right; I've been a complete asshole to Maura…"

"Language, Janie." Angela couldn't help the automatic admonishment that slipped from her lips.

Jane turned and shot her mother a harrowing look, "Not now Ma!" Turning back to Constance she continued, "But the thing is, I know she wants me in there with her. She needs me and I need her. I don't blame you for wanting to punish me for hurting her, but honestly Constance, there is _nothing_ you can do that hurts worse than what I have done to myself."

Constance quirked a tidy eyebrow, "And there is nothing you have done to yourself that hurts worse than what you have put Maura through Detective. You broke my daughter; I have never seen her so lost. Never." There was venom in her voice unlike any she had experienced before; politely aloof her usual way of expressing her disdain, but the heartache her daughter experienced at the hand of Jane Rizzoli had opened an untapped protective streak.

"For Pete's sake, Maura loves me and she would want me in there." Jane growled, feeling her desire to be apologetic and calm waning quickly.

"That may well be the case and perhaps Angela would feel differently if the roles were reversed; but I cannot in good conscience…"

"Oh fuck your conscience," Jane huffed. "Let me make this very clear for you. I am in love with your daughter and she is in love with me, I refuse to sit back and let you keep me away from her any longer!"

Constance bit back the retort she had been planning at the harsh cursing when she heard Jane admit her feelings. She knew this was all Maura wanted from Jane; she knew that her daughter would forgive Jane all her sins in a heartbeat if she could just admit that.

She pursed her lips thoughtfully as she appraised the nervous hand being run through hair and the subsequent clenching and unclenching of fists by the Italian's side. "I have one question for you Jane."

The switching to her Christian name wasn't lost on Jane as she forced herself to calm down and breath. "What is it?"

"Do you plan on telling Maura your feelings? Or are you just using them to get in the room?"

"That's two questions, but I'll answer 'em both. Yes I plan on telling her exactly how I feel and I can only pray to God she forgives me for running from her all this time; which naturally makes the second answer a no, no I am not using them as a way in." She straightened her shoulders as she delivered her final plea, "Please Constance; she needs to know I am there with her. I can't lose her like this… I have to be there with her."

* * *

 _It had taken Frankie ten minutes to calm his sister before she would leave her apartment; he used the only information he had, that Maura was alive but in surgery._

 _He had stood back while she heaved her stomach contents into the kitchen sink, as there was no time for her to get to the bathroom. He knew better than to touch her in that moment; Maura was the only person allowed that close during such moments._

 _He had observed stoically all the worried musings, the hot tears and the self loathing that Jane voiced during the journey. He barely raised an eyebrow when she all but admitted the truth everyone had known for a long time; that she was in love with the medical examiner._

 _Frankie had even stood back when they reached the entrance to the hospital, their timing perfectly aligned with the escorting of Vincent Harbaugh by officers Marshall and Sanders. He stood back and watched as knowing looks were shared between the officers and Jane and the realisation struck his sister that the cuffed man was the one responsible for Maura's life threatening situation._

 _He continued to stand back when the officers decided to take a five minute walk and leave the drunk driver with the Rizzolis. He stood tall with both hands behind his back as Jane shoved the perpetrator roughly into the marked cruiser and growled her displeasure at the lack of injuries he had sustained. A laceration to the arm and some mild bruising to his sternum; he had indeed gotten off easy._

 _Frankie stood back and said nothing until his sister cocked a fist ready to do some real damage, at this point he grabbed the offending hand and pushed it down to her side and whispered calmly, "She needs you right now Sis, don't throw your career away over this punk, k? Let's go inside and get an update." He signalled for the two officers to come back and take their detainee down town to be booked. "As for you," Frankie said as he fixed his dark eyes clearly on the frightened drunk, "If Maura dies, you're fucked."_

 _He took Jane by the arm at this point and directed her towards the hospital, a small squeeze on his bicep all the thanks he required. It was Maura; she was family, but more than that – she was his sister's soul mate, of that he had no doubt. Nobody messed with his sister's happiness, well except for his sister, but even he wasn't stupid enough to poke that bear too often._

* * *

Every second that Jane sat beside Maura as she remained in a coma felt excruciatingly long, more like hours than seconds. Still neither Constance nor Angela could convince her to leave, her hand remained entwined with the delicate doctors even during the moments she managed some uncomfortable sleep in the chair. The nursing staff had long since given up on convincing her to leave as well; simply put Detective Jane Rizzoli had one mission and one mission alone, be there when Maura woke up.

Maura's left side from chest to thigh were covered in bruises, her ribs broken and she had suffered a serious head injury, which had become the primary concern after all other injuries, including a deep laceration to her abdomen, had been attended to. She had been in an induced coma for the first week to help swelling of the brain to subside, but well into the second week since her accident she remained unconscious.

For Jane the exhaustion she had run her body and mind into had shortened her temper and it took everything she had not to growl at nurses as they made their rounds. She hated to be disturbed even though she knew it was essential they monitor Maura's condition. As it was her mother only spent short amounts of time at the hospital, mostly to bring food and coffee for Jane to ignore.

Constance maintained a surprising vigil over her daughter, but she would sit down on a chair at the back of the private room, mindful to keep her distance from Jane. Most times Jane forgot she was there, too tired to hang on to trivial details about the goings on around her.

"Come on Maur, you gotta wake up. Just ain't the same without you." Jane had resorted to talking to the unconscious woman when a nurse had mentioned it wouldn't hurt. She was after all desperate for anything that could make a difference.

"I'm fallin' to pieces here without ya," she sighed and rubbed her temple with her free hand, there was an ever growing incessant pounding developing. "Is this what it was like for you after I shot myself to stop Marino? Beside yourself with worry? Damn Maur, I swear to God I will stop and think before I throw myself into dangerous situations from now on… just come back to me."

Realising her eyelids had a mind of their own she pulled the chair as close to the bed as possible and buried her head in her arms on the bed, never letting go her grip on Maura's right hand. She closed her eyes and allowed the darkness to pull her under.

From her place in the corner of the room Constance let out an almost inaudible sigh, rose from her chair and took the blanket from the back of Jane's chair and wrapped it around the detective's sleeping form. She stood beside the woman, her gaze shifting between her daughter and Jane as she contemplated what was next for them. It was going to be painful and difficult, it was all she could envision, but there was a glimmer of hope because she had never seen two people love each other more than these two had before the whole messy debacle where admitting their feelings became an issue.

She was about to turn and return to her seat when she noticed hazel eyes flicker open and adjust to the dim lighting of the room.

"Mother?" Maura asked through a scratchy dry throat as her surroundings settled into her still cloudy mind.

Constance couldn't help the smile that broke out on her face. She leaned forward to stroke her daughter's cheek, "I'm right here Darling."

As her mind cleared Maura processed the fact her right hand was in contact with another hand, her eyes glanced down at the heap of black curls beside her on the bed and looked questioningly at her mother. "Jane?" she almost whispered, a little surprised to see the woman beside her bed.

Constance nodded softly. "She was very determined to be here with you. She's not had much sleep because she refuses to leave your side."

Feelings of relief and hurt assaulted the medical examiner as she contemplated how she felt to have Jane with her. She sighed softly; deciding that she wanted to let the Italian sleep as she had no doubt it was needed, even in the uncomfortable manner with which it must be coming. There would be time to talk later. Her eyes returning to Constance she said, "Don't wake her. I'm feeling drowsy still."

"Just rest dear." The smile never waned, the relief Constance felt for having her daughter back with her was immense. She had grown more troubled the longer the younger woman had remained comatose, but now she had woken her heart felt a little lighter.

* * *

Jane awoke several hours later to the sound of a doctor running through the situation with Maura. At first she thought she was imagining things and as such took the time to crick her neck and watched with a distant glaze in her eyes as the doctor finished his examination and excused himself from the room. Slowly she turned her head back to Maura when she felt the hand entwined with hers squeeze. Suddenly the light switched on in her brain and she smiled softly, "You're awake."

"Yes." Maura's tone remained neutral and her features while attempting to be neutral also, displayed some of her clear anxiety. She had an internal battle raging within; her being injured in hospital shouldn't prevent her from continuing to shut Jane out of her life and yet she knew that Jane had been unwavering in her need to be with her.

It was all very overwhelming. She ached physically and emotionally and had no idea what she was going to do with the information her mother had passed along before the doctor had entered the room, while Jane still slept.

Jane sensed there was a battle being waged within the woman she loved and even though deep down she knew she may not want to know she chose to soldier on. It wasn't going to be easy to win back Maura's trust, but she couldn't run because it got hard. That much she reminded herself. "How's that big brain of yours?"

Maura frowned, "Not amnesiac. What are you doing here Jane?"

Jane tried to hide how the question hurt, knowing she deserved to take a few licks. "You nearly died Maura; as if I would be anywhere else."

"Where was that concern when I was begging you not to push me Jane?" Apparently her brain had decided that now was the time to have this conversation. She sighed anticipating that Jane would run again and maybe that was what was best.

Fingers were disentangled and hand removed from its position of comfort. Jane pushed back in her chair and shot Maura a clearly pained look; the question had hit where it hurt. She stood and walked towards the exit feeling defeated, clearly Maura didn't want her around.

"That's it; run Jane, it's what you do best." Maura spat spitefully.

Jane stopped with her hand on the door, closed her eyes for a moment and spun back around and stalked back over to the bed. Glowering down at Maura she tried to choke back the harshness in her voice. "You have no fuckin' idea how much I have wanted to run from this, from you, from my God damned life Maura." She didn't succeed.

"I'm runnin' on God damned fumes. I have hardly slept in two weeks. I thought I had lost you for good. I thought you were gonna die on me Maur." She was pacing now, back and forth at the end of the bed as her tone softened, "I was ready to eat my gun over what's become of us because you are the only one to ground me; the only one who pushes my damn demons back far enough I can function. I am not a fully functioning person right now; I'm so fuckin' scared you have no idea. But I'm here; I'm here even though I know you have every right to hate me." She stopped pacing to look up through her tears, "I'm here."

"Jane," Maura could see the anxiety and fear rolling off of her beloved and it softened her stance a little, but she couldn't find any words of comfort to offer.

"Just let me finish would ya? I dunno if I will be able to do this again, let me get this out please?"

Maura nodded once in acceptance, as her head hurt enough as it was without adding extra pressure.

"I fucked up. I fucked up so bad when I pushed you to tell me you loved me. You told me I wasn't ready, you warned me and stubbornly I pushed forward because I knew I loved you too. I knew that you are everything I need in my life; but you were right, I wasn't ready and I fucked us up. But I'm ready now Maura; I was ready the night of your accident but you were so damn sure you wanted nothing more to do with me that I thought maybe that's what I deserved. I shoulda said somethin' then; maybe if I had even if you still hated me you wouldn't be in here."

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you." Maura's words were barely audible, but they were enough to stop Jane in her tracks. "I just don't know if I can trust you and it hurts too much Jane. You hurt me so much when you forced me to break us, because that's effectively what you did. You made me tell you something that would change us irrevocably when you weren't ready to hear it."

Jane sighed and wiped the tears away from her eyes before returning to the seat beside Maura and sitting down. She entwined their hands and spoke softly, "No Maura, you didn't break us. You know that is all on me; you were just trusting your best friend not to hurt you and then I did. There are never going to be enough apologies in the world I can give for that."

From her spot in the back of the room, where she had apparently gone unnoticed by her daughter and Jane, Constance rose from her chair and cleared her throat. She could tell Maura was tired and becoming overwhelmed with the information barrage and the subsequent processing it would require. "Jane, dear; Maura needs her rest and I think you have made it very clear that you're not going anywhere. Come and have some tea with me and let my daughter convalesce in peace."

Jane swung around to look at Constance as she spoke then turned back to look at Maura who nodded softly her agreement. Reluctantly Jane stood, "I'm just going to be down the hall. I'll be back, I promise. I love you Maur; I ain't running this time."

Maura watched Jane start to follow her mother out of the room and right before she disappeared into the corridor she said, "And Jane, no eating your gun okay? We're not done here."

Jane kept her face solemn as she nodded her agreement with Maura, but as she turned to leave she couldn't help the smile that curled at her lips. Because no, they weren't done; they would never ever be done.

* * *

 **A/N: And there we have it. This was as far as I had intended to take it. Clearly a lot more needs to be discussed, but consider this like the end of S03E01... when Jane walked away from Maura at her grave. We all knew there as still a rocky road to come, but the girls would be alright. This is effectively what we have here... although... I could expand upon it some time in the future when I am done with Enough Rain, maybe. I just wanted to write some angst, so I did. I'll have a lovely fluffy piece up to celebrate the new season on Tuesday night.**

 **As usual thanks for all your reviews, follows, faves and reads. Please be kind or constructive.**


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